The last week of July, Chris and I took the girls to Iowa on a two part mission: #1 introduce the girls to my mother's parents and #2 attend Chris' family reunion. Tonight I choose to write about the first...
There is no denying the role that mother played in shaping who I am and identifying those things I don't want to be. There is no denying the misfortune and anger that I feel when she is not able to share in my children's lives. For seven years, I have chosen, for a variety of reasons, not to connect with my mom's family, but that changed last week. My children delighted in getting to know their second cousins and for the first time in seven years, I had a family! People often say you have two families...the one you are born into and the one that you choose. This weekend reminded me that these two statements were one in the same at one point in my life! I wouldn't have chose differently. Needless to say there were ups and downs and anger and pain, but for the first time in seven years I felt soothed by one simple statement: " I can tell where those girls came from"-my grandfather! For the first time in seven years, I felt a sense of belonging....a sense of pride...and a sense of peace. There were times during this visit that I felt like my mother had died all over again...but she hadn't...maybe it was the pain of rebuilding...and finally wanting too.
This is where I came from! As always, I just wish there would have been more time...
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